When American English Breaks Hearts
Like any concerned mother, mine was worried about me after my divorce and wanted me to consider getting married again. So, she insisted I sign up for a marriage portal to kickstart my search. Reluctantly, I created a profile and kept a low profile, barely sending out any interests. Eventually, I connected with a girl who seemed interesting enough for a conversation. One morning, she called me up.
“Hi! Good Morning! How are you?” she asked cheerfully.
“I’m great! I just woke up,” I replied.
“I see. So, what’s in the brake-faast?” she asked, mispronouncing “breakfast.”
Now, I don’t claim to be a master of American English pronunciation, but this caught me off guard. I resisted the urge to correct her, fearing it might offend her. But as our conversations continued, more mispronunciations followed, and I reached my limit one day.
“By the way, it’s pronounced ‘brek-fust,'” I gently corrected her.
There was an awkward silence for what felt like an eternity, followed by an abrupt “Bye” and a hang-up.
I was still trying to wrap my head around it when her text popped up: “I’m crying right now!”
So, I immediately called her to ask where the sky had fallen.
“How can you make fun of me? Just because you live in the US and have better English doesn’t mean you can mock me!” she said, sobbing.
“Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted to correct your pronunciation,” I rushed to explain.
But the damage was done. She never called me again after that.
Not long after, I connected with another girl who also had a knack for quirky English pronunciation. This time, though, I was determined not to step on any linguistic landmines. Little did I know, fate had other plans to ensure my single status remained intact.
One sunny afternoon, while we were engrossed in a phone conversation, she playfully popped the big question: “So, what kind of girl would you prefer to be your wife? Working or homemaker?”
Now, in the realm of relationship inquiries, this was like asking, “Would you prefer to jump into a lion’s den or wrestle a crocodile?” But hey, some people can get ahead of themselves and map out the entire future, complete with marriage and mini-humans, before the first date!
“Whatever makes her happy. I don’t care,” I casually replied.
Boom! The explosion was instantaneous. “What??? You don’t care? So, you’ll just take me for granted, huh? Well, I’m not interested in someone who doesn’t give a damn about his woman!” she erupted.
It took me a few seconds to realize what had just happened, so I immediately went into damage control mode to prevent further escalation. “Oh, wait! I think you misunderstood. I meant it in a ‘anything goes, I’m easy breezy’ kind of way. It’s just a casual phrase we use back in the US.”
Unfortunately, no amount of explanation could calm her down. Obviously, this one didn’t call me again either. “This isn’t working. It’s time to ditch the distractions and focus on what I’m here for: the farmers’ documentary,” I thought to myself.
