Lost in Translation: A Linguistic Disaster in an American Restaurant

I had grown tired of frequenting McDonald’s and Subway, so one evening I decided to try something new: a formal dine-in American restaurant. Little did I know that an awkward linguistic disaster awaited me.

“Good evening, Sir. Please have a seat. Someone will attend to you shortly,” welcomed a server as I entered the restaurant.

I settled comfortably and began browsing through the menu. Quickly identifying what I wanted, I instinctively started looking around for a waiter and spotted one at a distance, attending to another table.

“Excuse me…!” I called out, raising my hand in the air. The server seemed too preoccupied to notice, so I raised my pitch, repeating myself louder.

“Excuse me. Excuse me!”

A passing server approached me and said, “Someone will be with you shortly, Sir. Please be patient.” I could sense his slight irritation, and I knew the protocol was a bit different here.

A few minutes later, a lady approached my table with a smile. “Good evening, Sir! My name is Jennifer, and I will be your server tonight,” she announced, opening her notepad. “What can I get you to drink?” she continued.

I was learning the system on the go and played along. I ordered my items and was swiftly served dinner in a few minutes. When I finished, I raised my hand again, and luckily this time, my server was nearby and approached me.

“What else can I get for you, Sir?” she asked.

“Nothing else. Please bring me the bill,” I requested.

She looked at me with a puzzled expression, trying to figure out what I meant.

“I’m sorry, what would you like me to bring?”

Realizing my mistake, I quickly recovered. “I’m done with my dinner and I would like to pay now. Should I pay at the counter?” I asked cautiously.

“Oh, you don’t need to go to the counter. You can pay here. I will get you the check,” she replied.

“Check! That’s the word! Now I know what they call the bill here. I was relieved to have learned the lingo!” I thought to myself.

She returned with the check, and I stuffed the cash into the check holder. Remembering Akira’s wise words about service worker wages being low and the importance of tipping, I decided to leave a generous five-dollar tip for the server.

But when she brought back the change, it was a mix of 10s, 20s, and singles. So, trying to keep it simple, I politely asked, “Could you bring me a $5 note, please?”

“A note? Um, there is a Staples store nearby and you might find those in their stationery section,” she replied, looking puzzled.

“No, no, not stationery. I need a $5 note, like these ones,” I clarified, waving the 10s and 20s in my hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry I misderstood! You want me to break the $20 bill?” she exclaimed, relieved.

“Break the bill? Wait, is ‘bill’ the term for ‘note’ here? What’s up with the language? A bill is a check and a note is a bill?” I thought, thoroughly baffled.

Despite the confusion, she returned with the $5 bills, and I stashed the tip in the billfold. However, even after she left, I remained seated. Several minutes passed before she returned and spotted me still lingering at the table.

“Do you need anything else, Sir?” she asked politely.

“Oh yes. I’m waiting for the finger bowl,” I replied, showing my greasy fingers.

“Finger what?” she asked, baffled.

Feeling like a clown, I muttered to myself, “Oh Lord, please save me from this embarrassing situation!” I was clueless.

“I mean, I need to wash my hands,” I clarified, entering damage control mode.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Please go all the way down the hallway, and the restroom is on your right,” she directed.

“How could I possibly make so many mistakes in just one dinner? Is the universe trying to give me a crash course in American lingo in one night?” I pondered, feeling utterly mortified.

Feeling deeply embarrassed, I rushed to the restroom to avoid further embarrassment and hurriedly exited the restaurant. The experience was so embarrassing that I avoided dining out for a while.